Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I quit my job yesterday.  It had as much to do with internal issues at the company and my frustration with my profession as it did with a desire to pursue new things-- but either way it is done.  I'm starting a few different (ad)ventures that I am excited about.  Micro-businesses, as my friend called them.

Now, I just have to figure out how to both keep busy and make money and still keep time open for the kiddos and writing.  Ha!

Saturday would have been Sarah's 37th birthday and it was a bittersweet day.  The grief process is a strange beast and many days I'm not sure why I feel so blue and miss her so much and others I feel strengthened by her memory and buoyed by small moments that feel like a message to me from her.  I'm sure if I invested the time, I could read about the psychology of the grief experience-- but it feels organic enough that I'm comfortable riding it out and accepting it as some good days/some bad days. 

What I feel strongly about, though, is that I hold that drive to accomplish the important things in my life like a small ember and keep it glowing. Stoke it. Coax it along. Fuel it.  It is the recognition of what is important to me and the drive to stop planning to do those things and just. do. them. This is one of the lessons that I take away from Sarah's life.  She had a quiet determination, and in the last two years she knew she had a short time left. She created. She loved. She saw the beauty and the joy in the everyday minutes that flash by so fast.

When I see sun-dogs, hear a red-wing blackbird, or have a dragonfly flit around me, I know it is the equivalent of a celestial text message from her.  And even if it's all in my mind, that's where that ember lives and those small reminders are like a puff of breath to make it burn a little hotter and a little brighter.

So, time for the new adventure to begin!

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